Am I going to follow through or drive thru???

I’ve been asking myself that multiple times a day the past week. I’m going to be honest. Training for marathons can be extremely hard and lonely. Most people don't have a trainer or an accountability partner who is training for the same event. While I enjoy the solitude of my runs, there are times when the loneliness plays games with you and breaks down your motivation. Until the group runs start kicking in (can't wait to get out on the streets of Boston with some of my DFMC teammates!), it’ll been just me, my iPod, and the road.

And you know what??

I think this is a good thing for me. If this was easy I wouldn’t be learning as much. I tend to rely on others for approval and motivation. While I think encouragement from others is a HUGE GIFT from God when it comes down to it I make the choices. When I lay in bed at night reevaluating how I spent my day it’s the choices I made that will determine how close I come to my goal. It’s so easy to come up with excuses and justifications. ”I still have time.” ”Tomorrow I will eat perfect.” ”Just one more scoop of peanut butter.” And on and on.

Well I’m coming clean. I’ve made too many of these excuses in the past. Yes, I’ve leaned out a little but I haven’t made the goals I set out to make. There are going to be consequences. Nothing tragic except not being able to fit into the two-sizes-too-small pants I bought on sale at Nordstrom Rack. And not being well prepared for the Boston Marathon. It’s not about the weight or vanity… really it’s not… okay maybe a little. It’s about keeping my word to myself. I’ve spent too much of my life “starting tomorrow“. The consequence is I’ve let a little seed of self-doubt take root and good old Ms. Laziness is standing there with the fertilizer. I set a goal and have let the temptation of instant gratification get the best of me more than I care to admit. I know I will never be perfect and quite honestly “perfection” would be a bit of a bore but so is low-self esteem.

I could quit and hand myself over to Ms. Laziness or I can make a choice to keep going. Quitting would be so easy, as easy as the Taco Bell drive thru. Or would it??? Ms. Laziness packs a pretty mean punch and some of those bruises take a long time to heal. It’s not about winning. It’s not even entirely about losing (weight or otherwise). It’s about following through and not driving thru.

So despite my lazy moments in the past, I’m giving the next 6 months my all. I’ve been down this bumpy road before and I’m hoping with time I’ll eventually make more right than wrong turns. I’m not giving up hope that the freshly paved road is just around the bend. As far as the race goes what will be will be but I’ll know I’ve won another personal battle. And that, my friends, is what this journey is all about. :)